he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
