he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
