I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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