What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
