i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
