whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
