I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
