It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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