You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
