Just cropdusted the office
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
