Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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