This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
