We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
