What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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