Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
