Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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