did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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