you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
