dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
