I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
