While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
