Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Life is so much better after having sex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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