You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
