it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
