the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
