So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
