My friends, they love my intelligence
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
