you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
