i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
