So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
