Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
