Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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