God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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