Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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