I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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