Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
