the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
