I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
