I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
