I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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