She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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