I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They have beer where we have blood.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
