last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
