i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
