my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
