I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
