Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
