I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
