my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
