I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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