I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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