i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
