Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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