I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
