It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
