They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
