I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
