You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't make out with my wife yet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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