I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
