can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
