google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
