Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
