maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
